I wrote this post back in the middle of May, but am just posting it now:
I tiptoed downstairs this morning while the rest of the family was sleeping. It was one of those rare days Mike got to work from home and he was nursing a cold so he was sleeping in and the three little ones were still fast asleep in dreamland. I still had about a half an hour before I needed to get ready to face the craziness that is morning around our house on a school day. As I tiptoed down the morning sun lit stairs, my mind was racing with a million thoughts. What I discovered in the next few moments would change not only the following months, but our lives forever. We were not ready for this, could it really be true?
A few minutes later, I sat anxiously staring at a thin stick and watching a faint plus symbol appear in a little box. Almost simultaneously to the symbol appearing, my anxious was replaced an overwhelming feeling of joy and gratitude.
My mind quickly tried to reign in my racing heart. It reminded me of how half the time I feel like I am treading water with three kids, what in the world were we going to do with four? What if I can't handle it? I thought of the things we had planned for the upcoming summer and how fatigue and nasuea were likely going to be guests on all of our outings and trips. I realized how after only having a few months of really feeling like I had my body and energy back after having Mason, the process would start all over again.
All these thoughts rushed through my head like a flash flood, but they stood no chance against my heart. That little line meant a baby. A baby, a baby, my heart sang out as it swelled with hope of welcoming another tiny person into our family.
And in an instant what I wanted more than anything in the world was for that line to be right and for that tiny little life inside of me to grow and thrive and come to bless our lives. I could hardly contain my excitement as I rushed upstairs to wake up Mike.